Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Inner Space

I have been very thoughtful lately. Fall usually does that to me. It's the changing of the seasons... the transition time. Summer is a time to be external while winter is a time to be internal with fall being the transition between the two. In the fall, I usually find myself dreaming quite intense and strange dreams. It always seems as if I am processing some information from the darkest, deepest recesses of my mind that I am never fully aware of. I always want to slow down and savor the inner moments as they make me more aware of who I really am and I end up feeling more concrete in my being.

During the summer, because of the weather, it is easy to be outside of ourselves. But sometimes I think we focus so much outside of ourselves, on what others are doing, that we forget what we are doing or where we are going to begin with. We are so worried with keeping up with everyone else and not getting left behind that we forget that we are on our own journey and to enjoy that journey as we are going along. Fall and winter are good times to reflect on that journey and to reconnect if we've become out of touch with it. The dreams that occur in the fall always remind me of where I am in regards to my awareness of the journey if I am willing to pay attention to them.

This past year has been so full of external things for me that I've been feeling quite out of balance lately. It seems as if things are speeding up, going faster and faster, and I can't keep up. There are never enough hours in the day to do everything that I need to do let alone what I want to do. For a while there, I was making myself crazy trying to do it all. I finally realized that I have to start being even more selective with my choices. Luckily, I have been able to reflect on some old expectations that I've had of myself and had a change of heart. I've realized what was once right for me is no longer because I am now a different person. It's amazing because these were expectations and ideas I had struggled with for many years but once the new idea was accepted and the expectation dropped, it all seemed so simple.

Of course I am still processing these revelations and am sure they have more to teach me... if I listen...